Random thought 101

I was laying in bed around 2am thinking off all the things that happened to me today.

Sometimes choices are made for you . And even though at that time its not what you wanted its for the best. I think sometimes I make the mistake of progressing to the point of caring . when I shouldn’t .

Random thought 102

Something I miss after a day like this . I miss that call I miss that I’m coming over . Something  more than a lover more than sex. A friend  to unload the days drama on someone that will understand crack a joke or two. Someone that will give you the courage to keep going..

Random though 103

Today this girl came up to me asking if  I had a sex buddy or friend. She stated a girl has needs not something I would say but everyone is different. I would never lay down with a girl I wouldn’t possibly love . Whether its lust or love I looked at her and me yes my bed may be alone . But I rather share my bed with someone who doesn’t share there bed with another and another .

Random thought 104

Tell me the truth

If you thought I was perfect you were wrong I’m far from that.

There is something I did to you and im sorry I know that doesnt mean anything. I’m only human.

You didn’t deserve this im telling the truth I love.

Please don’t be mad  I’m telling you this because I know I did wrong but I wan to make things right.

What I did wasn’t on purpose  I  know now it wasn’t worth it you mean more to me than any other. 

I want  you by my side I want marriage I want a family.

But if you leave me  I’ll be broken

But I can’t build a future on a lie.

The truth is …

 

 

Random thought 105

I want to return the favor.

You kiss me I’ll kiss you.

You touch me  I’ll touch you .

Tell me where you want my hands .

And you’ll return the favor.

If you show me yours I’ll show you mine.

(This could go so far but I’ll leave it at that)

I hate hearing stores of who you’ve been with .

I hate to hear of another of those who came before me.

Call me selfish call me a greedy for I don’t want to be compared to the past.

Call me considered if he was good and I’ll be better.

I can’t be undone…

When she was with me she says she doesn’t want a man like me.

And then when she’s alone she says she wishes she had a man like me.

With me you were never alone.  Who taught you to never know defeat.

Who taught you love and hope will get you through the dark times. Who was your armor

When the world brought you to your knees. Who wiped your tears when no one else did.

And yet you say you don’t want a man like me.

But when im gone your appreciate my type.

I sacrificed for you to smile I changed all that I was .

But change is not for one its for two.

And so when your alone remember . I was that guy who’d give his life for you.

I tried I did every thing I could they say you can’t win them all ..

I just thought about it …I was given the friend speech a few weeks ago from a girl… through a text no less… I made it 29 years and never got that speech. I can’t help but laugh at it . As my mother would say who needs a friend. you have enough of those... fun times...

Imagine the greatest love story of all.

Imagine two who loved each other so much they only wanted to be one

Imagine the love we would share I’m in a city of thousands and your voice is all I hear

I could stand out over a sea of people but your eyes are all that would catch my attention

Imagine a story where two were meant to be but the world saw it different. Imagine that she loved him so  much that life wasn’t the same before him . And for him he couldn’t breathe without seeing her imagine a day is just a day until he tasted her lips imagine a world without love and that’s how he felt without her.

And so let the story begin when they meet he knew that he loved her so and she knew the same. There love ran pure for as long as time would permit then one day .He doubted not his love but her happiness. And so he let her go and tears fell from her eyes. She mourned him as if he had died. And he cried out her name for years to come . Soon she forgot of his love and she found another, another who promised her all that the first gave her . On her terms time passed and the two loved each other and soon his wishes were for her to share his name .  While the other searched and searched for the treasure he lost in the eyes of another . And all routes brought him back to her . Yet  he would never travel that path again . He thought he found it in the eyes of one . But she to would leave him for the arms of another She now has the name of another he left hand branded with gold one right of her pinky. And her voice no longer echoes back through my phone. But back to the story. This he found out Christmas while sitting in an Washington DC. Airport Merry Christmas…  He left her there in that airport never to speak to her again . And as he sat there it all came to him the mistakes made the lessons learned. He allowed himself to be tricked out his treasures. So he set out on the quest to come home . Home, home is all he thought about . He looked at time as something that can be undone. A lesson that he will soon learn that can’t be undone. His will can’t bring about the change of time it can’t undo tears . On the eve of his return she learns of his return her heart filled with mix emotions . Does love still live in her heart. Is it me to forgive him or to let him go . With that in mind she faces him . In his mind it is but a day since that last saw each other . He talks  of the past and she talks of the present. I love another and he replies I love but you . As tears roll down his eyes . She asks have you found what you were looking for he replies I found it and let it go not knowing what I had. She replies I’m sorry leaving him standing there . Lost without purpose with out and understanding. That love is not forever. As she to dawned the ring of another .With heart in hand he turned and disappeared into the shadows….And on that day one man became two. One mortally wounded. And so we lay to rest he who loved and learned to late . That what he thought was never his.. And the child he left behind D@rkchild the remains of Brandon… One day I will unearth you again rest easy in your tomb till love awakens you again.

Present day love come for me . Bring me back there is no need to be strong anymore. Show your weakness she will guard them as if they were hers.

Rise Brandon rise from the tomb you laid your head for so long tears flow. Tears flow for you have been missed. Brother to brother I couldn’t do this with out you . But I’m not the only one missing you. She’s here to see you to . Her name changes but the feelings are still the same . But you may know her by love. Love what can I say its been so long I thought you forsaked me.  D@rkchild my darker half. Tell me you’ve found love in my absence tell me it was worth it.

Love is what I thought I found it started with a girl that lusted more than she loved. And then sought to change me. She said If you love me leave all that you know behind. To love me you must do as I say change your life for me . prove to me you want to be with me . Love isn’t a fuck job or a reward. It’s a gift that two people give each other. So I smiled and said love maybe you should try and love your self  before trying to tell others how to love. So it ended …

 Then I found another but while keep this one short. For I was just one of many  in her  life thinking I was the only one.  And it took a stranger to tell me . I was getting cheated on I remember when she came to me tears in her eyes. And lies on her tongue. And I felt sorry till I learned the horrible truth. Its true a couple of fuck yous passed from my tongue.

 

And then came the hope . A love that raged on for two years. It had its ups and downs and demons testing its resolve. But even hope can be lost. It got to the point where insecurities ran the relationship. Many tried to take her place but no one ever took her thron. But she never belived and now her thrown remains unattended….

And now I stand here ready to take your place in this tomb. For I thought I could do better but I was wrong.  So loves hand I give you . Her name may change but always remember the feelings are the same.

 

Mom all dressed up for the show....  She still has that swagger....

 

My mom and I had a talk tonight and she mentioned why haven’t I talked to my ex wife.

She suggested that I call her or text her.

But even I know when some things pointless.

Nothing good could come of it not that I respect her man. Because I frankly don’t care about him.

I respect the phrase if you loves something let it go…

And if it returns it was meant to be yours. And that wasn’t the case.

Fallenrank.

anyways ... back to our regular scheduled program....

 

Can I have this dance.

Sometimes you just want to stop time and hold the one you love.

And dance holding each other tight.

Knowing that no matter what happens right here and right now I have you in my arms.

So let the music play let the song end and your arms I will remain .

As my heart sings to yours.

And with every beat it screams I love you .

As the sun fades the stars light up our dance floor.

So lets dance..

 

What’s  the matter.

You call its 2:45am  you call

I hear tears through the phone .  You say he hurt you like no other.

You tell me he broke your heart you tell me.  He left you in tears.

You say I’m sorry I’ll let you go .

I reply  im your friend tell me I’m here.

You say you found out he cheated on you .

And now what should you  do. You say I love him I want to stay with him.

Should I forgive him  should I leave him .

I reply from the outside looking in leave but my heart isn’t yours.

If you love him listen to him but truly listen and  take your happiness in consideration.

Silence consumes the phone. And you say I have to go…

Bye.

 

You know that I love you

You that I need you .

You’re my air I breathe you . so don’t try to change me .

Why would you change me . you know I am the way I am .

You tried to change me mold me into something you could love.

But this means you never loved me . like I loved you.

You never loved me

You never needed me .

Why must I decided to change who I am if I love you.

I must not be the one you love I must not be your everything.

So another may be what your looking for .

To change me is not to love.

 

I’m a broken child you’re a  broken child.

But cupid saw fit to show me your light.

To show me a star amongst the darkness.

I shed my name I shed the pain .

I shed my fears for when I’m with you a kiss is more than a kiss.

I know I’m in competition with the past . Can I be better than him.

Can I love you more than he did can I make it last.

Can you be my girl my lover my friend my wife .

Can you love a broken child so like you.

Tell me were moving to fast and I will stop

Tell me you want me 

Tell me my arms you long for tell me my bed

Is where you want to lay your head tell me.

I’m more than a friend tell me I’m yours for a life time.

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Time wasted

Time lost

I don’t like to waste my time with things or people but I find my self doing it a lot these days .  My friend told me I should venture back into the past one more time to reclaim someone I lost. She says maybe what I lost I was supposed to have but got lost through all the shit I went through.

Love is FATAL

I’m missing you

My mind is lost with out you.

I call but the phone never rings. Your friends say don’t listen to me .

But without you I can’t make it alone.

 

 

Fly

I know people change and I hate that we changed.

I’m willing to take the blame for all we’ve been through 

I’m gonna let you fly away and pray that you come back to me.

And if you return then our love is meant to be.

So I hold my heart and say fly.

Fly away .

And I’ll be waiting for you were our love was the strongest.

Fly

And I pray it was meant to be.

 

A conversation with the God.

I am on my knees with my hands together head down tears in my eyes.

Asking you why do you take from me and give to another.

You’ve taken every thing I’ve loved and given it to another man.

I’ve loved till my heart bleed out and you leave me with the pains of a love lost

And the sight to see her with another leaveing me to say

Why god.

Have you forsaken me.

She smiles on why pain lingers with in me

Eating away at my faith .

 

I just wanna break up .

So we can make  up .

I know together we make this relationship hard on our selves.

I love you and you love me but we fight all day . only to make up all through the night.

You say I long for other girls . but I only long for your touch.

You cry and scream but if you only knew all I want is you.

And after this fight I looked for you to make up .

But you were no where to be found .

I called you but you never answered .

So I guess sometimes we

Cant undo what has been done.

 

When in love rules never apply .

When in love rules  never work.

Promises aren’t kept promises of happiness.

Promises of monogamy. I promise you promise me as we lay in each others arms.

When lovers love rules never apply.

 I promise never to live by these rules. Never to lie and say things I can never do or be .

All I want to do is love you.

There can be no rules for my love is no’s no boundaries

Phone sex.

When the world is asleep  its you  that keeps me up.

When my appetite for lust is unfulfilled its you I desire.

The phone rings and its your voice my heart races for.

You tell me that you miss me . I reply I long for your touch I long for the warmth of you next to me.

You tell me its me you think about all day you tell me its me you love.

As frustration builds you tell me all the things you’d do to me.

You recall all the times we were together you describe every detail .

Unfinished………………