My Rearview.

I’m sitting in my car and I look up and I don’t see you .

As lane change after change I don’t see you .

I can feel you watching I can feel you wanting

Faster and faster I move

Looking and looking but I don’t see you .

Touching death with every move.

Feeling the roar feeling the wind.

And as I look back I soon see you .

A chill comes over me .

As I see you you see me.

I slow to a halt and step out .

You slow eyes darker than any abyss.

The shadows your home death in each hand.

With the list the list of the chosen the list of the damned.

You look at me and slowly move on.

I no longer chase death nor wish it to chase me.

You

You make my soul quiver with the love that you bring to my life.

You make tears rush to my eyes and my breathe seep from my lungs with your ever step.

I stare at your picture thinking about or future never our past . I never though I’d need you so desperately.

What more can I say ?

What more can I do ?

You want my tears you have my tears

You want my love you have my love

If you wanted me on my knees just ask

And on my knees I shall be .

What more can I say?

What more can I do?

Just don’t leave me like this

Don’t leave me wanting don’t leave me confused

Hungry not for food for the emotions you so abuse.

The heart you so forgot .

Damn it

What more can I say .

I know get back

I’m off my knees and all I have to say

Is I never gave a fuck anyway.

 I’m back

I’ve slept with the devils and the angels.

I’ve laid down with the religious

I’ve laid down with the devil

Both infecting my mind. Manipulate me trick me

Break me build me up . Praise me hold me above the

Heavens and bury six deep.

Tear my mind apart piece by piece and replace it with your own.

So when I look in the mirror its not me I see its you . your image of me

I’ve made deals with angels and devils. I’ve

Sercombe to lust I’ve held back thinking it was more when more was just less

I’ve laid down once again . And as she sleeps my mind wonders

Devil or angel

No one knows.

Its Friday morning I can’t go to school

Dad went to far his anger he holds for me .

Has touched me my face my ribs my back my leg

I wake up this morning in pain . I’m tired every time

I moved to the left every time I moved to the right it hurt.

I limp to the bathroom with a mouth full of blood. Spitting in the sink

Looking in the mirror . holding my ribs. As I turn to walk to the kitchen

There he lays on couch . beer surrounding him like a nest.

As I stood over him thoughts ran through my mind. End it

End it now . my pain for his pain.

And his eyes opened I turned and walked away.

He replied what.

I whispered death was talking to me. I wanted to answer

When they call out D@rkchild

Let them keep on calling

When they call out death to the child.

Let them call

And when they say I’m nothing

Let them

And when they say harm will fall upon me .

Its ok

For there rants there raves will go unanswered

My path is mine and I won’t let the calls

Distract me from my way.

So call out

So call out my name.

And listen not for my reply ..

I f you cross the line there is no turning back .

If you cross that line. Where good turns bad

Where angels fall

Where darkness consumes the light.

Where hearts are broken .

And hearts never heal .

Touch me and I’ll oh you one.

Take my innocence and I’ll owe you a lifetime of pain.

The line

The line drawn in the sand.

Marks my future marks my past.

The line drawn I’ve crossed.

The line separated one into two.

As I turn to look back before me lies a mirror

Me but not today me but not yesterday me years ago.

Me days ago. Me two hearts ago me with tears in my eyes.

Today I stand taller than ever today I stand braver then ever.

My heart reborn my love growing with in. my future in my hands.

My future in her hands. Tears fall

As smiles fill my face .

Tears fall for the sun shines for me

Tears fall for the wind whispers my name.

As I look to the past I say no goodbyes I say nothing.

As I walk away ..

Tired

To far to tired to turn back .

Are you tired like me .

I’m sitting in my car as you drive bye.

Am I the enemy am I the hero .

I can’t believe this is happening to me

Look into my eyes look into my heart and

Know I’m tired. The light turns green . As I pull out

First from the line last to stop. I sat there learning that now one with catch you

When you fall. I learned that now one will answer when you scream out .

As the light turns green I merge with the highway before me.

As I look in the rearview I see you . not a woman not a ex but a thought.

A though of leading to a future of nothing.

So as the highway roars as the engine wines.

I drive and drive till the road ended. Then I got out of my car engine running and walked and walked.  And dropped to my knees and with tears in my eyes. I closed my eyes

And then you called my tears dried and you brought me back.

The return of J@dis

This ones for the love this time its for the future no turning back ….

I could write you a symphony of words.

I could write you letter after letter

But know amount of words could show you

How I feel .

You’ve walked into my life and this can’t be replaced.

You care for me like no other.

You watch over me as I sleep .

When I wake its you I wish to see.

When I dream its you I wish to see.

And when I long for someone in my arms its you  I want.

For our first kiss to the day of our last.

I thank you .

For re awakening the sleeping giant.

That is me.

For showing a difference where there was thought to be no difference.

Brandon/J@dis

She wants

She wants what you didn’t

She gave what you never would .

Her heart she gave with open hands to me .

No hidden agenda no lies were told. The purest thought

The purest emotion. Bestowed on me .

Yet you still look to me  you still follow the trail of tears I left

But know this  the trail has come to an end. So when the trail fades with

Time know

It’s the end.

As I hold the hand of another I can’t help but think

About you .

I can’t help but feel sadness in my eyes as  I look at you .

I can’t help but be hurt.

As words escape my lips my heart aches .

For what is done is done .

And wounds will heal .

But the memory will never fade.

I know its been awhile since my last but i'll make it up ....

I’ve fallen

I’ve called out to you as I lay here .

Members of my family have turned on me

My loved ones I call not my friends I call not

And your hand I look for your hand I seek to protect me .

Yet your no where to be found as my tears stain my world

As the devil whispers to me to forsake the .

I rise  I rise with the dream with the purpose to  live.

With you or with out you .

D@rkchild..

The Emancipation

 I’ve lost so much had so little .

I’ve seen love that wasn’t love.

I’ve seen the sun when darkness ruled.

My eyes my heart my mind all playing tricks on me.

I’ve trusted when trust wasn’t due .

I’ve turned my back when my back should have been protected.

And now

I just don’t know.

My Life.

No one know the rain that clouds my mind .

No one know the pain that follows the rain I see .

No one know what I see when the mirror stands before me.

I see the darkness I see the pain of a man that knows not how to stop the rain

The choices I make the choices I live with are mine and mine alone. But as I search

For peace  I’m stressed with the pain of curse.

Lately thoughts have consumed my thoughts leaving with out the will to write. I’ve sat here in front of the computer. Music blaring waiting for the thought waiting for the story to come from my mind yet nothing . I thought it was writers block yet my mind is clear . My heart shattered but mending. I had a conversation with a friend at work about the idea of forgetting what love is . Due to the circumstances one can face. For the word love has made me numb or maybe it’s the ones I chose to love. Anyways she sent me this.  I liked it.

THE GREATEST iRONY OF LOVE: LOViNG THE RiGHT PERSON AT THE WRONG TiME, HAViNG THE WRONG PERSON WHEN THE TiME iS RiGHT, AND FiNDiNG OUT YOU LOVE SOMEONE RiGHT AFTER THAT PERSON WALKS OUT OF YOUR LiFE..AND SOMETiMES YOU THiNK YOU'RE ALREADY OVER A PERSON, BUT WHEN YOU SEE THEM SMiLE AT YOU, YOU'LL SUDDENLY REALiZE THAT YOU'RE JUST PRETENDiNG TO BE OVER THEM TO EASE THE PAiN OF KNOWiNG THAT THEY WiLL NEVER BE YOURS AGAiN..FOR SOME, THEY THiNK THAT LETTiNG GO iS ONE WAY OF EXPRESSiNG HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THE PERSON...MOST RELATiONSHiPS TEND TO FAiL NOT BECAUSE OF THE ABSENCE OF LOVE..LOVE IS ALWAYS PRESENT..iT'S JUST THAT ONE WAS BEiNG LOVED TOO MUCH AND THE OTHER WAS BEiNG LOVED TOO LiTTLE..AS WE ALL KNOW THE HEART iS iN THE CENTER OF THE BODY, BUT iT BEATS ON THE LEFT..MAYBE THAT'S THE REASON WHY THE HEART iS NOT ALWAYS RiGHT..MOST OFTEN WE FALL iN LOVE WiTH THE PERSON WE THiNK WE LOVE BUT ONLY TO DiSCOVER THAT FOR THEM, WE ARE JUST FOR PAST TiMES, WHiLE THE ONE WHO TRULY LOVES US REMAiNS EiTHER A FRiEND OR A STRANGER.. SO HERE'S A PiECE OF ADViCE..LET GO WHEN YOU'RE HURTiNG TOO MUCH..GiVE UP WHEN LOVE iSN'T ENOUGH..AND MOVE ON WHEN THiNGS ARE NOT LiKE BEFORE..FOR SURE, THERE iS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WiLL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE..

Lost & Found

Have you ever

Have you ever wanted to lose your self?

Lose yourself mind and body lose the thoughts of today lose the

Thoughts of tomorrow  forget the names that hurt your mind lose the scars

Left on your heart lose yourself.

Lose it all.

Have you ever wanted to walk away from your name your fame . Those who look

Up to you those who look down on you. Those who in prison you in your own mind.

 Goodbye thought goodbye broken heart goodbye hateful parents.

Goodbye friend goodbye to all those who stood before me

Friend or foe.

Let me go forget me yes want for me not .

Now that I’m lost …..

What will you do now…

By

Brandon J.

Buried Alive.

Water drips on my face.

Water drips on my face as I wake in darkness.

 I lay there 6feet deep 500 pounds of dirt on top of me.

I lay there counting down to my last breathe I screamed for a minute or two

Then it set in .

I’m living to die and dieing to live.

I think of her

I think of life

I think of her. Tears join the rain water seeping through my tomb.

And as my last breathe drew near. I passed on.

As my soul rose through the ground to my hallow grave.

There she stood over me there she stood shovel in hand.

As I stood there she turned to walk away and then I knew.

My thoughts were of her but not anger but of love.

As I looked to the sky no one came for me as I looked to the ground

No one sent for me.

Buried Alive IID@rkchild....

6feet deep he stand soul separated from body.

The light sleeps 6feet deep while the darkness  stands

In the rain watching her walk away.

I drop to my knees and cry for me and my tears soak the ground.

My tear flow down through the earthly concrete.

To touch my shell left behind.

And as my tears touch my face.

I awake . My hand reaches out to my self through the dirt through the coffin.

And two hands meet pulling upward. Soon two stand in the rain two stand toe to toe.

Never to be one but always one.

So when you see me see not one but two footsteps in the rain.

Maybe I’m crazy

Your breed evil  

I woke up one day changed forever.

My mind tormented as shit

I sat up the sight my eyes saw not the same from the day before

I looked in the mirror and saw no reflection for the ghost is the man .

My hands not my hands my, my skin not my skin

My walk not my own .

My voice changed for all that I’ve seen

For all that I’ve done

I’m not the same man a lil darker a lil more hallow I remember it all.

Year after year …

Fuck You

Thinking back on some things  damn I hate you .

Some days I’d awake to see you gone .

Some days I’d awake to her you driving away.

As you ate I starved as you laughed I cried .

Not a day goes bye I don’t think of you .

Not a day passes I don’t feel the same for you .

Your wife your husband your daughter and the liar of a son.

And when you put your hands to me I endured . And when you took every last  dime

I had for your  own  leaving me wanting.

I remember.

For some scars stay for some wounds never heal.

If evil walked this earth then it lived in the 4 of you .

Brandon/D@rkchild

And You

Plot scheme against me.

Your eyes are my eyes . my blood yours

Yet we are two different people forever tied by the blood

By the name we share some say father some say son . As we stand

Side by side

And so this my thought

Go back to the summer of 98

3months you’ve sealed our fate

In but 3months.

For my heart to grow cold

For my mind to grow dark

For us to never be the same.

 Brandon the forsaken son

Lay bye my side.

Listen to my heart as it beats through the night.

Let it sooth your mind as it drifts to morning light.

For as you lay there listening to the rhythm of my soul

Know my mind thinks of you know my eyes watch over you .

As my arm drapes your side

My armor is yours my might is yours.

Lead me not to my demise. And I shall be forever yours.

Brandon.

Origin

You never belonged to me. This I know this I see I’ve fallen for a girls in my past. I’ve fallen for girls who loved another I’ve fallen for girls who shared a dream with another .

I’ve fallen for those who laid down with another when they laid down with me. I’ve been kissed and cursed.

Back 

So this is how its going down what about the times we laughed  what about the times I held you when tears fell. What about the times we shared what about the dreams we shared. What about the promises of love. And now a day has passed and your in the arms of another leaving me . alone.

Like this 

Your ex your man your fiancé  your husband… which every they may fall….

He’s this

He’s that

I care not I care not to hear a damn thing about any of them.

Never compare me to them for they can never compare.

So flaunt them not in my eyes for envy lives not in my eyes.

Call there names out to me . as I remain motionless. And when put side by side

You chose them not because they were better. But because they were controllable.

You chase the known instead of grasping at the unknown .

Though shall not steal….

A ten dollar bill

Two five dollar bills

A five dollar bill and five ones.

Ten one dollar bills.

Forty quarters

100 dimes.

200 nickels

Put it anyway you want it I was betrayed over 10 dollars. A friendship

I thought would be true ended in the betrayal of one.

Richard

You’ll never escape my mind…

They call it murder…

It could happen anywhere

As I sat two weeks one night around 10:45pm

I screamed out murder. As she left my heart my mind left for dead

The fatal shot delivered not through steel not through forged lead but through the phone

Through the airways as it left her  lips and touched my ears. My mind processed every word . then I fell..

And they call it murder.

Murder of a dream murder of a heart.

Eclipse

Many have sat next to me in the clipse I drive.

Ones I’ve loved ones I’ve lost . But none so hopeful

None that have captured my feelings so .  As we sit at the red light

JT playing on the radio . I turn and smile I turn and dream not of today

But of years from now . of days long after tomorrow. And I dream your still there

As the light turns green. The music may change the car may change but when I look to my right may you still remain….. 0 to 120….

She and only she could hurt me.

I’m not bullet proof .

I’ve dodged a knife

I’ve shown no fear twice when guns were drawn never did I fear the cold steel

Never did I fear the man that stood before me with hate in his eyes. For my will

Is great. I’ve dodged defeat and yet grasped at victory

But the one thing I could never dodge was the words of the one I loved

The one I gave my sword my shield my heart to .

I couldn’t evade the words that chased me around every bend .

And as every word she told me pierced my armor pierced my chest and buried its way in my heart infecting my mind. I knew then  I wasn’t bullet proof I knew I could fall.

Not bye man but bye

Love of her.

Wait

Do you wait for a day do you wait for a week a month a year.

For someone to dream the same dream you do .

Can you make someone dream your dream of two.

Can they

Can we if so tell me and this I will do what must I say what must I do .

Or do you circum to defeat do realize her dream and yours don’t match

And then do you let go or hold on to the faint memories of hope ..

That her dream will one day overlay yours. Do you live a lie or dream a dream

That could be true.

Unfoolish

My days are cold with out you but my heart hurts while

I think of you .

Some days I think that we will survive some days you smile at me

And I believe things will change. But when I’m with you I’m hurting

Inside. I feel like happiness but a dream that doesn’t involve you .

Foolish

Foolish the one that believes the cold days are all they deserve

Foolish is the one who wants to smile but

Prevents themselves from smiling .

Foolish is the one who wants change but fears it .

And foolish is the one that thinks a dream will involve the person

That makes there heart scream out in pain.

Pull up

The phone drops to the couch as I see you pull up .

A smile comes to my face as you get out .

As you walk slowly to my door thoughts go through my mind

Some naughty and some x rated.

But as the door opens and its you I see.

And a kiss is all I want

To hold you is all I need.

And as day turns to night.

Bye my side is where you belong.

As we sit there my hands travel up and down

Across your tattoo  

You smile .

And then well you know…