Mistaken

I was mistaken to believe my self.

Mistaken to think that you were different.

Mistaken to see in you what wasn't there.

My dream for us shattered our future corrupted.

Now when I look at you I don't know what to think .

I still have confused thoughts. As reality sets in I still wonder.

For my hearts sake but my mind knows the truth my eyes see the truth .

As my mind lies to my heart.

I’ve written many variations of this poem . named

SCRATCH.

What the fuck are your looking at self. This is the story of my life. Me drunk looking in the mirror talking to my self.

If I could make 12-80 today I’d tell my mother never to be with him.

Spare my life spare your tears. Leave him take my sister vanish in the night.

Let him wonder as he chases another let me watch your smile from the heavens above.

Cry not for me for the tears you shed through all that he put you through aren’t worth the tears you shed 6-7-80 my birth. You held me dear kissing my face as he asked is this my child. I knew then he didn’t want me.

So lets go back …..

And lets start from scratch…. I’d say never adopt my sister for she seemed happy alone .

She had you crying night after night as she wanted her real mom she replied . Calling you names wishinh your death as tears filled your eyes. I watched I remembered. As  she stood behind bars as she stood behind guards electronic doors. Draining your bank account to afford her hospital stay.

If I could go back I’d rewrite it all from scratch.

Replace me Never.

You can try and try but never can you replace MR. Jones.

Your man can never be Mr Jones. I’m back with the pen and the paper

Back with a new thought a new passion an new dream a new since of reality.

My heart  knows no fear. My heart sheads no tears.

My mind has multiple outcomes for every thought my heart has split.

Giving each girl I held dear a part of m soul.

My mind couldn’t deal with all that my eyes have seen. So it gave birth to

D@rkchild the survivor . for life to 27 was not cake walk full of pain a prisoner of blood a prisoner 4 years in the making as I lived in a room 6x6 . if you saw what I saw felt what I felt you’d feel the same if you knew what I knew you’d love nothing and hate everything.

Emotional I am

I always dreamed that every thing would be ok between me and you..

But I was  wrong.

You gave me reason to believe that we would always be but I was wrong.

You lied to me when you said the bond we shared would always be.

But that day you left and you were never to be seen

Again.  Let me know.

That a fathers bond with a son can be broken .

That the man that gave me life can be a stranger. I can look in your eyes.

And see my self and know that you are not what I want to be.

So strangers are what we will be.

For the bond we shared is and forever broken so when we pass know that we can

Never be anything more than that……

Church

Don’t cry keep your head up .

Even though the road you travel keeps your eyes full of tears.

Even though the bruises you have hurt with every step.

And as you hold the needle to your arm know the road will end.

Know that my words are but a glimpse of your future.

Know that your worth more than he said

Know that if no one else cares I care.

Know that every step you take I follow behind watching  your strength.

Is my strength teach me as I teach you teach me that I to can continue on

The road of life.

I have a Dream

I have a dream that we can be . I have a dream that my words will be heard.

That my words will be sought after.

I have a dream  when my eyes open the dark clouds that follow me will fade.

The scars I have will heal the thoughts I have will end in happiness.

I dream

I dream to be free

Free of you free of the demons that haunt my soul.

I dream that the feelings I feel will be given back

I have a dream

My girl .

My girl ever so precious

My girl hates me my girl loves me.

She trust me not this I know as she haunts my front door.

Knocking and screaming let me in with tears in her eyes.

With anger in her throat she says love me compromise for me

Let me tell of my love for you . and I reply.

My girl would keep my secret my girl would care not how the world see her .

Just how she see her self.

But insecurities rule the world.

Do you want to ride?

Do you wanna go with me  to a place that lovers go.

Where my name doesn’t matter where your just a girl and I a guy.

Where my skin fades where were just two people looking to the future.

Where money doesn’t matter where time slows and life begins.

Where your past doesn’t matter where the men who’ve scared you dare not follow.

So when I ask

What will you say yes

Yes to the ride of your life .

I’m fucking Human to .

I wish nothing for you.

I wish your demise your lat breathe your last kiss may the

Fire fade from your eyes. May they morn you may they remember you.

Not like I do .

May they know I smiled when you fell.

May they know my eyes burn bright with your demise.

For the return of  my darker side.

Is near.

The mirror tells no lies.

Is this what the world sees is this what they know to be me.

The mirror tells me I’ve cried the mirror tells me I still hurt.

The mirror say I smile from time to time. The mirror.

Doesn’t lie the mirror say Brandon the shell the world sees masks

A darker feeling a shattered reflection of me.

So mirror

The choices I’ve made are they the right ones.

Mirror the path that got me here is it a true reflection of me.

Am I all that I did  am I all that you see.

And as I stand there I reply I’m just me.